FADE AWAY
JOSH
The roar of the crowd was deafening as I ran onto the field, the cold air biting at my skin. The stakes were higher than ever–this game would decide whether we went to the Super Bowl. My mind was laser–focused, but not on the right things.
The tension inside me had been building for weeks, maybe months. Every time I thought about Laura, lying in that bed, motionless, something inside me twisted, turned sharp. I channeled it all into the game, into every snap, every hit. And maybe I was taking it too far.
“Josh, man,” Luke jogged up to me during a huddle, lowering his voice. “You good? You’ve been off today.”
“Just focus on the game, Luke,” I snapped, not bothering to look at him.
Luke frowned but nodded, backing off.
When the play restarted, I was on fire, charging down the field with an intensity that bordered on reckless. The opposing defender squared up to block me, and I didn’t just push past him–I drove into him, shoulders low, practically throwing him to the ground.
The refs blew the whistle, flags flying everywhere.
“Unnecessary roughness, offense, number 86!”
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Luke was in my face before I could even step off the field. “What the hell was that?” he barked, grabbing my jersey to pull me back as tempers flared on both sides.
I shrugged him off, glaring. “Back off, Luke.”
“Josh-”
“I said back off!”
Coach had seen enough. He pulled me from the field, benching me for the rest of the game. I sat there on the sidelines, seething. The game unfolded without me, but in the end, we won, securing our spot in the Super Bowl. The victory should’ve felt good, but all I felt was hollow
The locker room was buzzing with excitement, guys laughing, celebrating, the energy electric. I toweled off, keeping to myself. When Luke walked by, I called out to him.
“Hey, you heading out?”
He stopped, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “Yeah, man. Jess is cooking dinner. Gotta get back to her and the kids. You should bring Asha over. It’s been a while since we’ve seen her.”
I shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “Nah, I’m good. Asha’s with the nanny. She loves her–it’s all good.”
Luke’s face tightened. “Josh, come on. When are you going to come home? Living in that apartment isn’t good for Asha. We can help you.”
I shot him a glare, my jaw tightening. “You know I can’t go back there, Luke. Everything reminds me of her.”
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FADE AWAY
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“She’s alive, Josh.”
“Is she?” I snapped, my voice rising. “She’s never fucking waking up! Don’t you get that?”
The locker room fell silent, every pair of eyes on me. I didn’t care. I grabbed my bag and stormed out, the door slamming shut behind me.
Outside, the cool night air hit me like a slap in the face. I stood there for a moment, my chest heaving, trying to calm down. But Luke’s words echoed in my head.
“She’s alive.”
Yeah, she was alive. But it didn’t feel like it. Not anymore.
As I walked to my car, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out, I saw a text from the nanny.
“Asha’s in bed. She asked about you, and when you’re coming home. Also… she asked when she can visit Mommy again.”
I let out a shaky breath, staring at the screen. It felt like a punch to the gut. Asha was three. Too little to understand why her mom wasn’t coming home or why Daddy couldn’t give her a straight answer.
My thumb hovered over the keyboard, but I didn’t know what to type. What could I say? That I couldn’t face it? That I didn’t know how to be enough for her when I felt like I was failing at
everything else?
I shoved the phone back in my pocket and leaned against the car, running my hand through my hair.
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FADE AWAY
“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.
Asha deserved better. She deserved more than a dad who couldn’t get his shit together and a mom she might never have memories of. She deserved a family, not a broken shell of one.
She kept asking about Laura. “When can I see Mommy?” she’d whisper with her big, hopeful eyes, clutching her little stuffed bunny. And every time, I’d choke on the answer.
How do you explain to a three–year–old that her mommy was still here but not really here? How do you explain that every time I sat next to Laura’s bed, I felt like I was watching her fade into nothingness, a little more every day?
My hands balled into fists at my sides.
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand there and pretend to be strong for Asha when every time I looked at Laura, all I saw was my failure. I couldn’t protect her, couldn’t bring her back, couldn’t even make her better.
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And yet, Asha kept looking at me like I was her whole world. She deserved better than this mess of a father, better than a mom trapped in a hospital bed.
I let out a long breath and climbed into the car. My hands gripped the steering wheel, the leather cool under my fingers.
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