JESS AND LUKE
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JESS AND LUKE
LAURA
- 4.
6)
Josh was apologizing for things I didn’t understand, but I let him.
His voice was raw, cracking under the weight of something I couldn’t quite grasp, and yet–his words barely made sense to me. If it had been three years… how could I blame him for anything?
If I could have spoken, if I had known what was happening to me, I would have told him to be happy.
He couldn’t have known I would wake up.
Hell, I defied all logic by being here right now. The way my body felt–the sheer weakness, the heaviness in my limbs, the foreign weight of tubes and wires attached to me–was proof that my survival wasn’t something anyone had expected.
Whatever Josh had done, whatever choices he had made, I’d already forgiven him.
I knew I had.
Because if I had been in his place, I didn’t know if I would have been strong enough to hold on, either.
The doctors had to pull him away eventually, muttering about assessments, checking my line for feeds, and ordering imaging to see if they could reverse the stoma and other attachments I
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had apparently gained over the years.
I hated it.
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288 Vouchers
I hated the way I felt–like I wasn’t even a person anymore but a project they had to fix, a problem to solve.
I wanted to be normal again.
I wanted to be me again.
Josh hadn’t seen everything yet the extent of what three years had done to me. And for now, I didn’t want him to.
I didn’t want him to look at me and see this.
Because this wasn’t who I was.
www.
I wanted his last memories of me to be from before all of this. Before today.
www
And once I got back to normal–if I got back to normal–we could make new ones.
But not now.
www
I exhaled shakily, closing my eyes for a moment, letting the silence settle over me like a heavy blanket.
It didn’t last.
The door creaked open.
At first, I didn’t turn my head, assuming it was just another nurse coming to poke and prod at me some more. But then-
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A choked, muffled sound filled the room.
I blinked, shifting slightly, just enough to see a familiar figure peeking her head inside.
Jess.
Her eyes were red–rimmed, her lips trembling, and for a moment, she just stood there, staring at me like she wasn’t sure if I was real.
And then, without a word, she crossed the room in a few hurried steps, dropped down, and pulled me into the longest, tightest hug.
Her body shook against mine, and I felt the warm, damp press of her cheek against my shoulder
I wanted to say something–to tell her I’m okay, I’m here–but nothing would come out, the damn tube in my throat stealing my words.
So instead, I squeezed her back as hard as my frail body would let me.
A second later, she pulled back, swiping furiously at her tears, then sniffed and turned her head toward the doorway.
Luke stood there, lingering near the entrance, hands shoved deep into his pockets. He was stiff, his face unreadable, his body half–turned like he wasn’t sure if he should even be here.
Jess glared at him, her eyes still wet, but her voice was sharp.
“Come give her a damn hug, asshole.”
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Luke huffed, rubbing a hand down his face, muttering something under his breath. But he moved, crossing the room, hesitating only for a second before leaning down to wrap his arms around me.
His hug wasn’t as tight as Jess’s. It wasn’t desperate or trembling.
But it was real.
I closed my eyes, breathing them in, letting them hold me up because I couldn’t do it myself.
This was home.
Not a place.
Jess finally pulled back, her hands still gripping mine, like she was afraid I’d disappear if she let go completely.
She sniffled again, shaking her head, then gave a wobbly smile. “You’re really here,” she whispered.
I smiled as best as I could around the tube in my throat.
Jess exhaled, wiping at her face before shifting back into the chair beside me. For a moment, she just sat there, studying me, her fingers still curled around mine. Then, her eyes flickered toward the far wall–toward the pictures taped up beside the monitor.
My eyes followed hers.
It took a second for me to process what I was looking at, but when I did, my chest ached.
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288 Vouchers
Asha.
Her face was everywhere.
Photo after photo–some of her smiling, some of her playing in the grass, a few of her with Josh, with Jess, with Luke. A tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket. A giggling toddler with wild curls and bright eyes. A little girl, growing, changing.
My little girl.
Three years of a life I had missed
I stared, drinking in every detail, my vision blurring as the reality of it sank in.
She was here.
She had been here. Growing. Living.
And now… now I was finally going to hold her.
Jess squeezed my hand. “Are you ready to meet her?”
I swallowed, my throat tight, my fingers trembling.
I didn’t have to think about my answer.
I turned back to Jess, blinking hard to clear my vision, and nodded.
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