nger and Numbness
LILY
Alcohol is great!
It makes me forget about my shitty ass parents, but most importantly, it’s helping me forget about Mason.
“Lily, come play with me!” Jock slurs, pointing at the makeshift beer pong table in the middle of his dining room.
“Sure,” I chirp, skipping over to his side.
“We’ve gotta beat th-them.” He hiccups, pointing to Harry and Jonah.
“We will.” I nod, full of confidence.
But as it turns out, both Jock and I suck at beer pong. I mean really suck. We only sink three balls.
“You made us lose.” He pouts, making him look like a little child, and I laugh.
“I got two balls,” I say, shoving my fingers in his face as Leah and Olly walk up to the table holding hands.
“Who won? We want to play!” Leah’s stupid voice screeches.
Ugh. How didn’t I realize how annoying she was?
“They did.” Jock continues to pout, pointing at Harry and Jonah, who are still celebrating their victory. “They cheat,” Jock warns as we walk over to the kitchen counter together.
“So, how’s life?” he asks, grabbing two beers from the fridge.
“Are you trying to get deep with me?” I laugh, taking the beer from his outstretched hand.
“I just mean you’re very different this year.” He chuckles, leaning back.
“I’m just trying to be the real me.” I shrug, leaning next to him.
Jock and I drink our beers in silence, watching Harry and Jonah beat Oliver and Leah, until Leah finally sinks a ball and squeals in happiness, throwing her arms around Olly’s neck.
I watch as he smiles down at her before smashing his lips against hers, and my mind instantly goes back to Mason.
“I’d kiss you in front of everyone so they know I’m yours.”
Why does my stupid brain not understand that I don’t want to think about him anymore?
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I tell Jock, handing him my half-finished beer before slipping out of the room.
I don’t go to the bathroom though. Instead, I go outside, where I instantly break down into sobs and start walking home so I can cry by myself.
Oliver never once kissed me in front of anyone. Mason only kissed me in his bedroom. There really must be something wrong with me.
As I climb under my blankets, I reach for my phone. I want to call him so badly. Just to hear his voice, to hear him call me Princess one last time.
I’m about to dial his number, but I chicken out and decide to just go to sleep.
When I wake up the next morning, all I want to do is stay curled up in bed and cry some more. So that’s exactly what I do until my tears dry up and I start to feel numb.
By Tuesday, I still feel numb. I literally feel nothing.
“You ready for your game?” Harry asks me as we walk to the cafeteria together.
“Sure,” I reply. After school is my first volleyball game of the year.
“Usually you’re bouncing around like a bunny,” he comments, looking down at me.
“I’m just tired.” I brush it off, making him frown.
“Is Ava coming?” he asks, pushing the door to the cafeteria open.
“I’m not sure. I haven’t seen her since Friday,” I reply, heading to my new normal seat, which he surprisingly follows me to.
“I texted her a couple of times to see if she was okay, but she hasn’t answered,” I say, sitting down.
“Well, I’ll be there,” Harry says pointedly as Jonah comes up to our table.
“Where are you going?” he asks, pulling out the seat to my left and sitting down.
“Lily’s volleyball game.” Harry smiles.
“Who are you playing?” Jonah asks, giving his attention to me.
“Greendale,” I mutter, picking at my sandwich.
“They’ve never beaten our Lily,” Harry states proudly, sticking his chest out.
“Not just me,” I mumble, rolling my eyes.
The rest of the lunch period, and the rest of our afternoon classes, Harry talks nonstop, trying to make me laugh, but I just can’t.
By the time we get to gym, I’m trying to get my head into the right space for my game.
“Hey, squirt.” Jock smiles widely down at me, and I give him my best fake smile. “I’m kindly offering my services to help you practice your volleyball skills,” he says with a dramatic bow.
“So kind,” I mutter, grabbing a ball.
“How are you feeling?” he asks as we begin hitting the ball between us.
“I’m fine,” I state.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t let Olly get to you,” he comments casually, making me frown. I’m getting real sick of people telling me that.
“Why would he be getting to me?” I ask as he hits the ball back to me.
“Because they’re dating?” he replies, but he makes it sound like a question.
“Why would I care?” I snap, hitting the ball harder than I need to.
“Cause they were kissing in front of everyone on Friday, then you left and Olly said you’ve been texting him.”
“What the fuck?” I snap, grabbing hold of the ball as anger fills every inch of my body.
“I couldn’t give a fuck about either of them!” I snap, turning around and spotting Olly laughing with some of the other football players.
I throw the ball down and stomp over to their small group, stopping right in front of Oliver and poking him in the chest.
“Fuck you,” I hiss, making his blue eyes go wide. “I haven’t texted you once since I dumped your ass!” I yell, poking him again.
“I don’t care if you’re fucking Leah! You literally mean nothing to me!”
I continue yelling, and I’m about to poke him again when arms wrap around the front of my chest and I’m picked up off the ground and taken away from that asshole.
“Now channel this rage into your game,” Harry chuckles from behind me.
“He’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever met!” I exclaim as Harry puts me back on my feet by a shocked-looking Jock.
“I haven’t spoken to him once since we broke up! He texts me!” I ramble while Harry just smiles at me and Jock looks scared.
By the time the period finishes and Harry drives me and Jonah to Greendale, I’m still angry. I’m actually probably angrier. I wonder what other lies that asshole’s been saying about me.
“You look happy.” Coach Lyall chuckles when I dump my bag on the bleachers beside him.
“I’m a ray of fucking sunshine,” I snap, pulling out my knee pads.
“Should I ask?” he asks Harry over my head.
“Nope,” he answers, sitting next to my bag.
“Where’s Sky?” I ask, looking around for my partner.
“Right here,” she chirps happily, sticking her head around Lyall. “I heard some girls talking, saying Brittany is a bigger bitch this year,” she tells me, and I roll my eyes.
“We’ll beat her,” I say confidently.
“Yeah, you will!” Lyall hoots, sitting down.
“When are the juniors playing?” I ask, seeing them sitting down the bleachers a little.
“They’ve already played.” He sighs. “I’m making them stay to watch you two to see how good teamwork is done,” he mutters.
“Bagsy not doing the coin flip!” Sky blurts out quickly as the referee starts walking toward us.
I sigh and stand up.
Coin flips with Greendale suck. Brittany always does it and tries to shit talk and get inside your head. It doesn’t work, but it’s still annoying.
I make my way over to the other side of the court, looking at the people.
There are two younger girls sitting in the third row with massive smiles on their faces, and right behind them is Liam. I frown, wondering why he’s here.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him here—unless he’s just started dating Brittany or Natasha.
“Red calls,” the grumpy lady grunts.
“Heads,” I mutter, glancing at Brittany, who’s staring at me.
“Heads. What do you want?” she grunts again.
“Ball,” I reply before she hands it to me.
“Liam wants to talk to you,” Brittany says lowly, making me turn to her.
“Not interested,” I say with a frown, turning toward my side of the court.
“It’s about Mason,” she says quickly.
“What about him?” I ask, turning back slowly.
“Just come to the bathroom after the game.” She shakes her head.
I walk to the back of the court and hand Sky the ball. “What’d she say?” she asks, taking it.
“Just her usual crap,” I lie. I’m guessing Liam told Brittany about me and she’s just saying it to get in my head.
Well, not today.
Sky and I end up winning by a mile. Greendale may have crushed us at football, but not at volleyball. Although, to be fair, Brittany has gotten a lot better since last year. Natasha not so much.
“You played great, babe!” Harry exclaims, pulling me into a bear hug.
“Thanks.” I smile, hugging him back.
“To celebrate I’ll take you for ice cream,” he announces. “Sky, you in?” he asks, releasing me from his tight grip.
“Can’t. Have to study for my geography test.” She sighs. “Next week,” she adds before walking off.
“I’m just going to the bathroom,” I tell Harry and Jonah as we make our way out of the gym.
“We’ll see you at the car.” Harry nods, going off while I slip into the bathroom.
Curiosity has gotten the better of me. If Brittany was being serious, then I’ll listen to Liam probably tell me to stay away from Mason and I’ll tell him no problem. If she wasn’t, then no harm done.
“You came,” Brittany says, surprised, when I push the door open.
“Well?” I ask, not caring if I sound like a bitch.
“Liam and Mason are best friends…” she begins slowly as one of the stall doors opens and Liam steps out.
“What happened between you two?” he asks me with a neutral face.
“Ask him,” I sigh. I don’t know what he’s told them, and I don’t want his friends to turn on him, if they haven’t already.”
“I tried. He just told me to shut up and you don’t talk anymore.” He sighs, his face dropping to sadness.
“I’m just going to cut to the chase,” Brittany states. “You obviously know about Callum,” she says while Liam pulls his hand down his face.
“Be nice, Britt,” he warns, making her roll her eyes.
“Mason was a wreck after he died. Then suddenly we didn’t see him as much, but when we did, he was smiling and back to the old Mason we love. Until the last day of summer,” she says, looking at me.
“He’s terrible. He hardly talks, hardly eats. His sisters are worried—we’re worried,” she says, gesturing between her and Liam.
“If you make him happy, we support whatever weird friendship you two have,” she finishes, looking at me with pleading eyes.
“He doesn’t want to talk to me,” I whisper, looking down at my feet.
“Have you tried?” she asks gently.
“He hasn’t either.” I shake my head.
“Can you try, please? For Mason,” she whispers with a shaky voice.
“I’ll think about it,” I mumble. I don’t know if I can handle another rejection from him.
“Thanks, Lily.” She sighs.
I give her a nod before I turn to leave.
In the car I plaster on my fake smile as I listen to Harry give a play-by-play of my game as if it were the best thing he’s ever seen.
“I heard you were a great player, but seeing it in person was a whole other thing.” Jonah smiles, leaning between the two front seats.
“She’s the best damn player in the state!” Harry hollers as he pulls up outside the ice cream parlor.
“And how good does her ass look in those shorts?” he exclaims as we walk inside to the near-empty shop.
“I’d turn straight for you.” Jonah nods in agreement.
“You two are weird.” I roll my eyes with a chuckle before spinning around too quickly and bumping into someone.
“I’m so sorry!” I exclaim, grabbing hold of their arm to steady myself.
“Careful, princess.”
My whole body breaks out in goose bumps at the sound of his low voice.
“M-Mason,” I stutter out, whipping my head up to look at his face.
Brittany and Liam were right. He does look like shit. His usual sparkling green eyes look dull and have dark circles underneath.
“I-I didn’t see you, sorry,” I blurt out.
“I guessed.” He half-smirks down at me.
I open and close my mouth, wanting to blurt out everything I’ve been feeling, but decide to settle with a simple “I miss you.”
But just as I’m about to tell him, a brunette walks up to us, glaring at my hand, which is still on Mason’s arm.
“You ready?” she asks him while I quickly rip my hand away, instantly missing the feeling of him.
“Yeah. Let’s go,” he replies, barely glancing at me as she slips her hand into his.
“Who’s this?” the girl asks, narrowing her eyes slightly at me, not moving.
“Just some girl that bumped into me.” Mason brushes me off casually as he gently tugs her hand and they both leave.
So I guess after all that, Brittany was wrong.
Mason didn’t miss me.
