Chapter 175
Chapter 175
Fiona POV
68)
You never truly know what you have until it’s gone. As I stared at my mother’s pyre, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. Regrets, a lifetime of them, would always remain with me. The regret of not trying to get to know her better, the regret of not trying to understand her, and the regret of not being able to save her, the one that hurt most of all. It was like my heart was being torn from my chest. Nothing could soothe the pain that was inside of me. I felt dumbfounded and alone, and the despair was so painful that it was all I could do not to scream. She shouldn’t be here. She should be out there, fighting and smiling. The sound of her laughter should be filling the pack house, and there should be a twinkle in her eye as she spoke. Now, all of that was gone, and we would never see her again, never hear the musical sound of her voice. It was killing me inside.
She looked so peaceful lying there, her long hair flowing past her shoulders. She wore a white, flowing dress, as was the custom. There was a large turnout. The entire pack was present, as were Alphas and Lunas from the other packs who wished to extend their sympathies. Regan had been loved and well known. It was difficult to acknowledge just how bad a mistake I had made. I felt my mate’s hand squeeze mine gently, his silent show of support. I inhaled sharply, watching as my fathers walked to the front to address the pack, their faces drawn with sadness and the kind of grief I could not imagine. They looked as though they had aged ten years in the short time that Regan had been dead. The loss of their mate, while not killing them, had left a void inside their heart that could never be filled. They had loved Regan with all their hearts. They had the kind of relationship that would have survived the ages until they were old and even beyond death. It was something to admire. Now, I could only hope my own relationship with my mate would continue to grow as theirs had.
“We are all gathered here today to say goodbye to our Luna and our mate.” Xavier was the first to speak, his eyes resting on the crowd. “Regan was a beloved member of the pack, a love that Xavier and I could not imagine would change our lives, and even in death, we will continue to think about her every second she is not with us until the day we meet again,” he finished, almost choking on the words.
He glances over his shoulder, his eyes pricked with tears although his face is stoic, keeping it all inside and refusing to cry in front of the pack, not wanting to show weakness.
“Regan was the love of our lives,” Xander spoke now, his voice hoarse. “Nothing could ever compare to the kind of woman she was. She was selfless, loving, and kind and sought to ensure that every pack member, from omega to warriors, was well taken care of. Nothing was ever too much for her. We are proud of who she was and what she became.”
There was silence from the crowd. Heads were buried in the crowd, and several were weeping openly. Husbands comforted their wives, and children sobbed. Those who were too young to understand merely stared around at the crowd in curiosity. I felt my composure beginning to crumple, but I also knew I had to see this through. I had to tell the pack and my parents how I truly felt. Regan deserved this. Even if it was too late, I couldn’t let her go without speaking from the heart.
I felt
my mate’s hand let go of my shoulder. I walked to the front, joining my fathers, and stared fixedly at the crowd.
“Regan was not the perfect mother,” I began, my voice shaking from emotion, “and there were times when I could not help resent this. However, looking back, I see the love she tried to pour into me, the kindness she showed me, and the care she took to make sure that every single one of my needs was met. She did not have to take me as her daughter,” I added thickly, “for I was not hers biologically, but she made the selfless choice to do so anyway. That’s the kind of woman she was. She didn’t leave anybody behind,” I added as warriors nodded in agreement, “and she fought to the death to make sure everybody in this pack survived as she battled the rogues. My only regret,” my breath hitched in my throat as I struggled with the words, “my only regret is that I didn’t tell her that I loved her enough or that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. I can only hope that she can forgive my selfishness and know that in my heart, I truly did care for her, even if I wasn’t able to show it. One day, I hope to see her again, and in the meantime,” my voice broke as my fathers wrapped their arms around. me, “I know that she’s looking down on all of us, keeping us safe and guiding us as we continue to live on without her.”
She would never abandon us. Not now, not ever. I almost felt as though she was with me as I talked, feeling the smallest breeze on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling her love, her presence and then I lost it.
I broke down. My mate quickly came up to the front and hugged me tight. Xander spoke. “All those who wish to say goodbye, please make your way to the front of us and speak quickly.”
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Thu, 10 Apr
Chapter 175
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All of the pack formed a single line, but out of respect, they allowed Xavier and Xander to go first. I was next, and as they stepped back, I stepped forward, smoothing back a strand of her hair and looking carnestly at her face. She looked so peaceful. I sobbed.
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“Goodbye, mother. I’m sorry for everything I did, every bad thing I ever said about you. I’m sorry about my actions and nobody regrets more than me that I severed our family ties. I wish I was able to tell you I love you before you died. As it is, I want you to know that I love you now, and I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered and then bent down and kissed her lovingly on the cheek before turning blindly to my mate and staggering almost into him in my sadness.
He gripped me tight, and we watched as pack members filed up, some of them placing flowers or roses on top of her body and surrounding it. It was a bittersweet scene. All too soon, everybody was finished, and I knew that the hardest part was to come. The part I had been dreading the most. The final conclusion to the ceremony and the official send off as Regan’s soul left her body and the moon goddess took ahold of it. The moon goddess created us, and when we died, she took hold of us again, giving us a new life.
“We now give her body back to the moon goddess and pray that she has another life granted to her.”
Xavier’s voice breaks as the large torch is handed to him. I see his body trembling, see his hand shaking. He looks as though he’s unable to go through with it. I see Xander quietly take it from him. They turn. Xander slowly puts the torch to the pyre, and it begins to light up in flames, surrounding Regan’s body.
“Ashes, to ashes, dust to dust,” they intone, neither of them losing what little composure they had left.
I want to scream for them to stop, to force my way forward, to put out the flames, but I force myself to remain perfectly still. There’s nothing that can be done for Regan now. The only thing to be grateful for is that she’s not alive to know that Celeste isn’t here. She abandoned her mother and the pack, using the opportunity of the rogue attack to make her escape, and was currently on the loose. Alpha Max was ropeable. He had all his men searching for her. I had a suspicion it would only be a matter of time until she was found. I wondered if she would regret leaving, if she would regret not being able to say goodbye or attend her mother’s funeral. She had always been selfish but even this was beyond anything I could have imagined from her. Had she known her mother was dead as she escaped? That was the question hovering in my mind.
“The ceremony is now complete. Xaver and I,” Xander spoke, both of the twins not turning, “will stand guard over our mate’s body until she is joined with the moon goddess once more. Please respect our privacy and we thank everybody for taking the time to show their respects to our mate.”
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AD
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