Chapter Eighteen
It’s eight pm when I finally wake again. I feel like dogs’ breath. There’s sleep in my eyes, and quite frankly, I could lay back down. But it is still my birthday, so I throw a hoody over my clothes and head for the food court. The food court closes at nine, so I still have forty minutes to eat and have cake. I’m still not hungry, but I want to celebrate.
I walk over to Mecca to see what desserts they have.
“Can I have a fresh cream éclair and a chocolate frappe?” I ask the young teen at the counter.
“Sure. Number?” she asks. I look at her feeling a little stunned.
“Room number, if you’re staying here,” she tells me.
“Oh, yeah. Um, five three five,” I say, hesitating when I can’t remember it.
“Sorry about that! I’m only sixteen, so you know…” the girl apologises. I realise then what she means. She didn’t know I was a wolf because she hadn’t got hers yet.
“It’s all good,” I reply. The girl smiles and turns to make my order. She gives me the food and then a look of shock spreads across her face.
“Shit! I mean sheeze! I didn’t ask if you were having it here or taking it away!”
I laugh. I’m sorry, the girl is so innocent, and her reaction is so sweet.
“It’s fine, really,” I assure her, but her face is already red.
“Well, I’m still so sorry.”
“That’s okay. Have a good night!” I tell her.
“You too!” she says back.
“Fuck, my third shift here and I’m still stuffing up,” I hear her mutter. I smile, I like this girl immediately.
I look around my new home, knowing I do have to start putting away things and cleaning up. I’m lucky there was already a welcome pack with bathroom supplies, towels and manchester. I check the cupboards, and yup, there are plates and cups and glasses as well. This pack seems to take care of its members. I pull out a small plate and place my éclair on it, then sit at the table looking at my meal.
“Happy birthday to me,” I sing. I finish the song and curl my lips into a small smile. I haven’t celebrated my birthday properly since I was eighteen. Each year since I’ve bought a small cake and sang Happy Birthday to myself.
I’ve never told anyone when my birthday is. Jia often asked but I never revealed that secret. I didn’t want to make it a big thing, because the last time it was, when I turned eighteen, marked the last time everything in my life was good.
I eat my éclair, the cream bursting out the sides and cracks of chocolate falling onto my chest, and I drink my frappe. I place my dirty dishes in the sink to wash them later, and I throw my empty cup into the bin. Then I return to my makeshift bed and fall back asleep.
Hmm. Nope. Don’t want to get up. Want to stay under here. I move my legs as I roll over and one leg escapes the warmth of my blanket. Oh yeah, that’s right. My bed.
I should get up though. I click on the TV to check the time and see it’s before six. It’s settled then. I’m going to lie in and skip morning training. I close my eyes and attempt to sleep, but I can’t. My head hurts and I need to move.
Sitting up my stomach cramps and I’m in pain. Carefully I pull up my hoody to see if there are any bruises, but there are not. My throat tickles and I’m out of my bed before I can think and my head is over the toilet bowl as I throw up last night’s meal which is mixed with liquid and blood.
Arh. I pant as I taste the bitter bile in my mouth. It’s on my teeth and in my mouth and I feel revolting—more than revolting. I don’t think I can work today.
I begin to cough again and then make another putrid deposit into the toilet from my mouth. Tears roll down my face as my chest heaves.
“Drew?” I try to link with my team leader, searching for his specific energy amongst the pack.
“Evie?” Drew replies with a surprised expression in his link.
“I can’t make it today. I’m not well,” I tell him.
“What? How…” Drew begins but I tell him I’m sorry before closing down our connection. I then expel more dirty liquid into the toilet bowl.
I fall asleep on my bed before nature calls, this time not in the form of a vomit. My mouth still tastes foul, and I grab some toothpaste and rub it onto my teeth with my finger before rinsing. I feel slightly better, although my palette feels like it’s still got fur.
I’m blinded by the light of the studio’s windows when I walk out of the bathroom, and I quickly close the curtains, blocking out the sun. Grabbing a tumbler from the cupboard, I pour myself a glass of water, which I chug and then have another and another.
Feeling marginally better, I go about making my bed and putting away all my things. I even unboxed my laptop and set it to charge on my small table.
My eyes feel tired, and I still have sleep in them, and I bet my hair looks worse for wear. My stomach is sloshy with water, and I need to use the toilet. All in all, I feel like a dog’s breakfast.
I spend the rest of the day watching daytime television and drinking water, trying to hydrate myself from my vomiting stint this morning. I don’t leave my room and have the door to my mind locked down tight. It’s one thing I can control, unlike the familiar pain in my stomach, which I relate to Alaric drinking that green goo. I wonder what is in it. But I don’t have the energy to move. I barely make it to the toilet when nature calls again or to the sink when I want to pour myself a glass of water.
I nod off throughout the day, but it does nothing to make me feel better. I should go to the doctor, but I can’t move. Maybe I should link Isabella and ask if she can see the doctor for me. I don’t think I could search through the pack’s energy again to find her mind though.
My eyes feel heavy as I blink them open. Sometime last night I crawled into my bed and fell asleep. My room is dark, but I know that it must be before six because my stupid internal clock gets me up at this time. The television is still on, and when I check, yup, it’s five forty-four. Goddess.
I lay in my bed for who knows how long before I eventually drag myself out and enter the bathroom. This room stinks. Scrap that. I stink. I flush the toilet for good measure before turning the shower on.
The water goes cold before I eventually drag myself out. I’m so pathetic I crawl on my hands and knees from the shower cubicle. The water is still running and it takes all my energy to stand on my feet and reach into the cold water to turn it off. My hair feels dry and fragile as if I hadn’t bothered cleaning it. But I have.
More hair falls out as I use a comb through it, but I don’t have it in me to care about that anymore. I go through the motions of washing my face and brushing my teeth before plaiting my hair in a simple braid. I dress into a t-shirt and yoga pants before shoving my feet into sneakers and heading for the food court.
I’ve missed morning training, which means I’ve missed Friday breakfast with my teammates, but I grab a banana from a vendor and make a show of eating it. I don’t notice the taste of the fruit, it’s just the soft firm texture that I register.
“Evie! You’re here!” Rob cries when he sees me in the foyer. He comes up and hugs me, and I let him.
“We missed you!” Ben says, poking my face as if to check I’m here.
“Stop it!” I cry, swiping at his fingers.
“Boys, leave her alone,” Drew growls. Rob and Ben both make sad faces while Drew steps in front of me.
“How are you feeling Eve?” Drew asks.
“Better, thanks,” I reply. Drew nods.
“Pretty impressed with your link yesterday. I live on the other side of town,” Drew tells me. I just nod again, I didn’t think there was a distance limit to links, but what would I know?
“You ready for today?” Drew asks, indicating Logan and Hayden, who wait patiently to one side.
“Yeah,” I reply, looking over at the two, who smile in response.
“How are you feeling?” Logan asks on the way to our station.
“Fine.”
“Go to the doctors?” Hayden asks.
“Not yet,” I reply.
“Will you go today?” Logan then asks. What is this? Tag team against Evie to make me go to the doctor? I don’t think I have something that they can simply cure.
The whole notion makes me feel sour. When we do our handover with Macclay and Devon, I stand at the back and let the men do all the talking, but I’m the first to leave and head for the border.
Logan and Hayden are quick to notice my mood and thankfully let me lead, although they stay only a few steps behind.
“Are you okay?” Logan asks after we get back from our walk.
“Dandy,” I reply. Logan shakes his head and turns towards Scott and Brian, the two Deltas taking over our shift.
“You know, Chloe enjoyed your visit on Sunday. You’re always welcome at our house,” Logan says as we head back to the car.
“And I’d love you to meet Pauline. You’d like her,” Hayden adds.
“Sure. I’ll come by,” I reply.
As usual, we separate at the food court. I don’t know how they can eat here every day, the thought immediately making me feel stupid because that’s what I’ve been doing.
“See you at training?” Logan asks.
“Maybe,” I reply. I walk into the food court, where I see Isabella heading for Erin’s table.
“Hey Isabella, I’m going to make a sandwich at home, I feel like homemade food,” I tell her. Isabella’s face drops.
“You sure you can’t stay for lunch?” she asks. I shake my head.
“Dam. I like your company. She’s nicer with you around.” Isabella mumbles the last bit, but I hear it.
“Sorry,” I reply. I would stay, but I’m feeling extremely exhausted. It was hard pretending to do my job when all I wanted to do was sleep.
“It’s okay, but you better be ready at eight tonight,” she tells me. I smile.
“Of course, I will,” I agree.
“Thanks, Isabella,” I say. She nods. We wave each other goodbye, and I head for my room.
I don’t have any food in my room yet, I should go to the Home Goods store with that envelope that Alaric gave me, but I haven’t had the energy. But I will. One day. Not today.
My door barely clicks closed before I’m over on my bed chasing sleep. I should go to the doctor, too. I should. I should let them help me. Ease this.
I wake up at seven and surprisingly feel better than I have in weeks. I shower, get the fuzz of sleep off me, and dress in jeans and a T-shirt. I don’t have any makeup, but I don’t care. I’m pretty enough without it (ha ha).
Someone knocks on my door and I go to open it.
“Dawn!” I cry, taking her all in. She’s wearing a black leather-look mini-skirt with a black close-fitting crop top. Her thick brown hair is tied up in a high ponytail and she’s curled the ends in waves.
“You look good,” I tell her.
“So do you. Is that the only shirt you have though?” she asks. I look down at what I’m wearing.
“Yup. I’m comfortable,” I reply. Dawn smiles.
“Good, because we are so dancing tonight,” Dawn grins. I smile as I shake my head.
The doorbell rings again and Dawn opens it for me.
“Hi. Are we ready?” Isabella asks, walking into the room. She turns around and admires the room before turning back to me.
“I so have to get me one of these places,” Isabella comments.
“Play your cards right, and maybe,” Dawn teases. Isabella just nods.
“I’m good at the moment. Is that what you’re wearing Evie?” she asks. Dawn laughs when I cry out in protest.
“I’m comfortable! And it’s not like we’re going to some high-end club. It’s a pub with a karaoke bar,” I say.
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Bags not singing,” Dawn murmurs.
Howling Moon is busy when we arrive, and Erin runs to a front table and takes a seat. Dawn gives me a look, but I just shake my head, telling her not to go there. As we walk towards the table, I stop by a couple of girls at another table who are sitting there, drinking.
“Hi. Are you using this chair?” I ask.
“No, take it,” the one with long eyelashes tells me. I thank her and grab the spare chair, taking it to the table Erin coveted to sit on. We adjust our seats so that I’m sitting next to Dawn, making Erin make an underhanded comment about the fourth chair being in the way. Dawn gives me another look, but again I shake my head.
“Isabella, get us drinks,” Erin orders, staring at the couple singing a duet on the microphone.
“Wow. You’re great at making friends and influencing people,” Dawn comments, making Isabella pause halfway from standing up.
“You didn’t have to come, witch,” Erin comments.
“Are you stating the obvious or are you always like this?” Dawn asks. I hit her arm and tried to shush her, but thankfully Erin just grumbled and didn’t reply.
“I’ll come with you,” Dawn sighs, getting up and joining Isabella.
“Are you okay?” I ask Erin.
“Yeah. I just had a bad customer review at work today,” Erin sighs.
“I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”
“Nothing much. She said I was rude to her. Rude. Can you believe that?” Erin gruffs. I just shake my head and don’t respond.
Isabella and Dawn come back with cocktails, and we thank them and begin to drink. A new person is singing, and Erin watches thoughtfully. I’m surprised she’s not saying anything.
“I’m going to get the next round. What would we all like?” I ask.
“Mojito!” Isabella calls out.
“Yes please!” Dawn adds.
“Me too,” Erin says, giving me her first smile for the evening. I nod and head for the bar.
“What is with Erin?” Dawn asks, walking with me to the bar.
“She’s just not a nice person,” I reply.
“You can say that again,” Dawn says.
“Yeah. I don’t know why Isabella is friends with her,” I comment.
“So you’re not friends with her?”
“No. I’m friends with Isabella,” I reply, shaking my head.
I order our drinks at the bar, asking for the bartender to add aconitum to the drink, which she does. Peter sees me and gives me a wink, making me smile back.
“Hmm. He’s cute,” Dawn comments as we collect our drinks.
“Watch out. I’ve heard he’s a bit of a manwhore,” I tell her.
“Aren’t they all though?” she asks. I just laugh. Probably.
When we arrive Erin grins as she accepts her drink.
“Ah. This is good,” she smiles. I nod in agreement. I drink quietly, zoning out on the conversation my friends are having as I enjoy the atmosphere of the pub.
“Our turn, let’s sing,” Erin grins, grabbing Isabella’s hand. Isabella smiles and stands up.
“Are you joining us, Evie?” Isabella asks. I shake my head.
“Dawn?”
“Goddess no,” Dawn replies, for some reason making me laugh. Erin just shrugs and pulls Isabella away.
It’s not long before Dean introduces Erin and Isabella to the stage.
“Oh, goddess. Can’t wait to see this,” Dawn says, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms. I laugh.
The music starts, and I’m happy to hear it’s an upbeat song.
“Standing in a crowded room and I can’t see your face,” Erin begins. Surprisingly, her voice is good today. She sings the chorus, her voice rising in all the right places. Isabella sings the second verse, her voice different but still matching the pace of the song.
In the last verse, both Erin and Isabella sing together, their voices harmonising together nicely. I’m grinning and on my feet, clapping when they finish singing, joining the crowd as they cheer for my friends.
“That was really good!” I smile when they both return to our table. I hug Isabella and kiss her cheek, then surprise Erin and myself by doing the same to her.
“You guys are good singers,” Dawn compliments once we’re all sitting back down.
“Thanks,” Isabella grins. Erin nods, trying to hide her smile.
I continue to nurse my drink while watching people dance on the floor in front of me. A familiar group of people walk past and I’m surprised when they stop at our table.
“Dawn! What are you doing here?” the guy asks, looking over at my friend and smiling. I see Alaric and Dharia hang back, watching Dawn and the guy talk. Dharia smiles at me and takes Alaric’s hand in hers. He lets her and my heart sinks.
“I’ll let them know then,” the guy says, wrapping his arm around Dawn’s shoulder and kissing her cheek.
“Alright. I’ll be there tomorrow,” Dawn whines, letting the guy go. He grins and waves goodbye to us before joining Alaric and Dharia and walking away.
“How. Do you. Know him?” Erin asks, her voice shocked.
“Who is he?” I ask, feeling like I’ve missed something important.
“Kiran Weston,” Isabella answers. Oh.
“He’s my brother,” Dawn replies.
“But, he’s a werewolf,” Erin says.
“He’s also my twin,” Dawn answers.
“I knew he had a twin, I didn’t know it was you though,” Isabella says.
“Yeah. I’m the quiet one,” Dawn admits.
“But he’s a werewolf, you’re a…”
“Witch? Yeah, so is my mum. Kiran gets his wolf off Dad,” Dawn says.
I try to follow the conversation as much as I can, but my mind keeps wandering towards Alaric and Dharia. He didn’t even look at me. And when she purposely grabbed his hand, he didn’t shake her off.
Is this why I’m feeling the way I am? Oh, goddess. I think it is. He’s made his choice and I’ve lost him.
I stand up, the world around me fading away. I hear my friends say something, but I don’t register their words.
“Hi,” Dean says when he sees me.
“I want to sing,” I say, making him grin.
“Yes! How many songs?” he asks excitedly. I shrug. I don’t care, I just need an outlet for my emotions.
“Three songs? Please?”
I think I shake my head because Dean says something else, but I just pick up his song folder instead.
“This one,” I say, pointing to a song. He nods and taps on his computer.
“After this,” he tells me. I mutely nod and wait for the current song to finish.
I hear Dean introduce me, but I don’t hear it at the same time. It’s like everything is playing in slow motion.
I’ve chosen to sing ‘July’ by Noah Cyrus because it sums up everything that I’ve been feeling up until this point. The guitar solo starts and I begin.
“So tell me to leave, I’ll pack my bags, get on the road,” I sing. Every word in this song I mean. I change a pronoun in one of the verses, singing ‘just trying to get by while I’m dying inside,’ because that’s what I’ve been doing. These past two weeks, I’ve been dying inside. The coughing up blood, hair loss, fatigue. My body has been shutting down, and I no longer want to fight it.
“Cause you remind me every day I’m not enough, but I still stay,” I sing, tears rolling down my face. The crowd cheers but I shrug. I’m done. That’s it.
I scan the bar, looking for Alaric, because I’m going to end it. He’s chosen and I’m not going to stand in his way anymore. I can’t sense him in the room, but I know he’s here. I begin to search when a hand grabs my wrist. I look at Dharia’s brown eyes in defeat.
“All your pretty works won’t work,” Dharia tells me. I shake my head.
“It’s over Dharia,” I tell her.
“Of course, it is, he’s…” I don’t let her finish.
“Just tell him, I accept,” I say. She closes her mouth and a smug look spreads across her face. I shake my hand out of her grasp, my throat beginning to itch again. I leave her standing there, not bothering to look behind me and rush for the toilets.
The toilet cubicle door bangs from my sudden rush through it, and I lock it just in time before I empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. I have a few second’s reprieve when my chest heaves and I expel more liquid into the bowl, which this time is mixed with blood. I don’t have time to contemplate it when I hurl again, only blood coming out of my mouth. I’m coughing into the bowl when my lips begin to go sore, my tongue hurts and parts of my body burns. I know what this is, and I can’t do anything to stop it. I retch again, this time more violent than the previous times as excruciating pain fills my body. My body grows increasingly heavy as the light in the room dulls.
